In the race for the NFC East crown a lone question remains: who is John McClane, and who is Hans Gruber? Sure, the Eagles have been walking on broken glass with no shoes on since Chip Kelly took over for Andy Reid. But with breakout sophomore Nick Foles proving he is the future at quarterback in Philadelphia, now they have a machine gun, ho, ho, ho. As for the first-place Cowboys, all was well until that pesky cop decided to ruin the party. With an inconsistent offense and a defense that wouldn’t hold up in the SEC, the Cowboys may be ready to Die Hard. As for the Redskins and Giants? Consider them the hopeless henchmen McClane destroys at ease, and Gruber dispenses of with reckless abandon. Regardless of what happens in the remaining four games, one team is going down with a vengeance, and one will live on to Die Hard Another Day.
New York Giants(5-7) 24 Washington Redskins(3-9) 17
Chances are that if you stayed up to watch the conclusion of this slobber knocker, you are a die-hard fan of one of these teams, or just a full-blown football addict.
Placing myself in the latter category, this game seemed much more like a Justin Long- Bruce Willis pairing than anything Samuel L. Jackson had a part in.
Despite Eli Manning ‘s continued regression, Robert Griffin III and the now-hopeless Redskins were waiting for a certain New Yorker to end their misery. After the season ends, it is likely that Mike Shanahan will not see this season the same way as many in Washington’s football community, and he “won’t be joining us for the rest of his life.” Shanahan may want to take the holiday break to update his resume, as after last nights’ game, the clock is running out for the Redskins’ skipper.
Making things worse for the NFC East’s perennial punching-bag is the last remnants of the Griffin III trade. The St. Louis Rams have the Redskins’ first round pick this year, which would currently be number three overall. So Coach Shanahan, I’m afraid the championship parade has been called off, there is no one coming to help you.
As for Big Blue, the New York Giants did their best to lose this one, accruing just 16 first downs, just 286 total yards, and turning over the ball once. The only dark-spot in the Giants complete domination of Washington came in the form of a backup tight end who caught Griffin III’s only touchdown pass. His name was Logan Paulson. His name was Logan Paulson. His name was Logan Paulson. Sure, this quote comes from Fight Club and not any of the Die Hard series, but I had to save something for the Cowboys and Eagles preview didn’t I? Regardless and returning to theme, in the words of Hans Gruber: “You’re not part of the equation this time, you realize that”? A perfect summation of New York and Washington’s seasons. Thanks for playing, we’ll see you again next year.
Dallas Cowboys(7-5) 31 Oakland Raiders(4-8) 24
A team with multiple identities, the Dallas Cowboys are no real comparison to the “cowboy” the Die Hard protagonist identifies himself as.
With a season so full of ups and downs not even the plane’s trajectory in Die Hard 2 could follow it, the Cowboys are holding on to the pilot’s seat in the NFC East.
Tied in the standings but with one win more in the divisional standings, the Cowboys have their fate in their hands, for better or worse.
Thanksgiving was just another round of double jeopardy for Dallas, where the scores really change. Despite the performance of the game’s leading passer, Matt McGloin, the Cowboys were able to hold on against a surprisingly resistant Raiders team and continue their quest for an NFC East title.
If the Cowboys can win out, the second-place Eagles will be nothing more than “a fly in the ointment, Hans, the monkey in the wrench, the pain in the ass.” Yet, knowing Tony Romo ‘s tenacity for disappointing his fan-base, there may just be hope yet for a resurgent team from Philadelphia.
Yet, I digress. On Thanksgiving against the Raiders, Dallas unleashed its dormant rushing attack, as DeMarco Murray and Lance Dunbar carved up the 8th ranked Raiders’ run defense like a Thanksgiving Turkey while rushing for 144 yards and three touchdowns.
By establishing a balanced offense, Romo and the Cowboys took away control from McGloin and the Raiders; something Jason Garrett’s team has been unable to do for the better part of 2013. If Dallas continues to run the ball effectively as an alternative to its pass-heavy attack; the Cowboys will be a team to be reckoned with down the stretch, at least on offense.
For Dallas, the most important lesson to be learned comes from Zeus in Die Hard With a Vengance “So who’s gonna help you”? The answer: “we’re gonna help ourselves.” If the Cowboys can do that, Romo will have yet another shot at finding playoff glory.
Philadelphia Eagles(7-5) 24 Arizona Cardinals(7-5) 21
Not many people saw this one coming. Then again, few foresaw Nick Foles ascension to the position of savior of Philadelphia football, nor did anyone predict Simon Gruber’s attempt at revenge on John McClane. What analysts and fans of the Eagles did predict was a high-powered offense reminiscent of the greatest show on turf from the early millennium years. Ranked 9th in passing with 256.8 and 3rd in rushing with 146.8 yards per game on average, Chip Kelly’s offense is now a proven force at the pro level. By taking down a ferocious Cardinals front-seven, Philadelphia proved that it is more contender than pretender, and thus, more McClane than Gruber.
Possibly the greatest of all silver linings from Sunday’s win over Arizona was the emergence of the Eagles’ first three draft picks. Lane Johnson has held down the starting right tackle position all season, and while he struggled a bit against the Cardinals, the rookie is quickly emerging as a viable talent at the tackle position. Another Cardinal, though this one resided at Stanford, Zach Ertz had by far his most productive game of the season hauling in five catches for 68 yards and two touchdowns in a green-birds victory.
Also heavily involved in the Eagles’ victory was former LSU defensive tackle Bennie Logan who helped solidify a defensive line with three tackles and a fumble recovery as part of a unit that has improved nearly every week this season. Should Philadelphia continue to play with such promise and potential, Chip Kelly’s Eagles may end up at the top when all is said and done, and put Jerry “Hans Gruber” Jones into early retirement, at least in 2013. This week, Eagles fans are left saying “Yippe Kai yay Mother…” Well, I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.